Co-creating conversation

Recently I've been working on expressing my needs and wants.  I realized that I wasn't feeling supported and nourished, and that actually I may have had something to do with it!  When we withhold the truth of what we most need and want we are preventing ourselves from ever getting it!  And if you want to be satisfied and fulfilled in life, well, you gotta speak up.

So, I looked at the fears which held me back from speaking up: fear of burdening people with my needs ("OMG, she's so needy!") and my fear that somehow speaking my needs was demanding and or manipulative.

Two days into speaking up for my needs and I've had some fairly significant wins, but also some muddled and frustrating responses that has been very illuminating.  In one instance of speaking my needs I received "confirmation" of being too needy.  In attempting to clarify the importance behind my expression I came off as attacking, and someone else came in to defend the person I was speaking to.

Being decidedly new territory I got curious about what had happened, and it relates to why I didn't speak up in the first place.  See, there's a difference between demanding something, defending yourself and sharing.  If I expressed my needs from a place of sharing, they were often well met.  But if there was any glimmer of defense or demand people responded to that instead (or read into it even if not intended).  

So my question now is about how we express ourselves and relate to others.  How can we share how we feel and what we need without it being a demand?  How can we share our hurts and clarify our desires without attacking or defending?  How can we be co-creators of conversation and not victims of it?

xoxo  much love!

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