So, there’s plenty of obvious ways to support ourselves—we can meditate, get a full nights rest, exercise and listen to our heart. But to truly be self-reliant in life, must we rely only on ourselves? That may sound redundant and ironic but I mean it quite seriously. One major stumbling block that I’ve encountered in running my own business is the idea of being independent or self-reliant is most often represented as what I’ll call false independence.
Let me explain. Being responsible for our lives, for our happiness and wellbeing comes first and foremost from within ourselves. However, as humans on this planet we are bound to one another through our shared resources, existence and yes, love. Being independent does not mean meeting all of our needs alone. What it does mean is identifying needs and then seeking ways in which they can be met, oftentimes through the partnership of others.
There is a huge difference between Independence, co-dependence and false independence. For anyone like me, you lean towards false independence: wanting to go it alone, pretending that you don’t need other people for support and suppressing your needs so as not to appear needy or burdensome. Unfortunately suppressing your innate needs has quite the opposite effect, and often you will continue to try and get them met, only this time subconsciously through patterns that can range from manipulative, stressful, dramatic or round about.
Not pretty, right? Well, it doesn’t have to be that way either. Once we identify a need we have, say for physical touch, we can begin to seek out appropriate and loving ways to satisfy those natural desires. We can enroll friends or loved ones, asking them to support us in the ways that we need and want.
Sounds simple, right? But when I tried to brainstorm ways that I could be better supported in my life I started drawing blanks. Uhm… my list was small and barely worth remarking on. So I turned to the internet:
Check the internet (what is this bullshit?) I don't think the internet knows either
I mean, I know that affirmations are important as is letting go of negativity etc etc etc. and I've recently enriched my connection to unseen support, but at the end of the day I can’t affirm myself into having a conversation about the emotional expression that I desire within my partnerships. That has to come from a conversation with my loved ones. It has to come from sharing. It has to come from knowing what I want and asking for it.
So my question to you is, where have you been under supported in your life? What are you going to do about it? Who or what around you can you enlist in a more supportive partnership so that your needs get met. ‘Cuz guess what, when you meet your needs life gets a lil easier.
PPS Wikihow didn't do too bad a job!