Recently I've been asking myself more and more frequently, "why am I here?" Not the "here" like geographically, although that's a good one for another day. But more to the effect of why here on Earth?
With so much turbulence around me and so much raw human pain both my own and the world's I find myself asking on repeat, "what am I doing here?" "why am I here?" And while you could interpret that as, "what's my purpose?", what I'm really asking is "why the hell did I come here?"
When the pain within my own heart becomes so loud, and all around me I see people full of hatred or actively numbing themselves with drugs, I really had to ask, "what the fuck!? Seriously, why am I here!?"
I've been asking that on repeat for the last few days, wondering over and over again why someone would chose to be born on this planet. Why any of us would want to be here on Earth. And even if you don't believe that humans are choosing any of this, it's still pretty unclear why any of us are here in a world with almost no peace, filled with hatred and violence and on the brink of destroying itself.
Last night I received a healing from a dear friend that helps energy flow within your body and to remove any blocks that may be creating apathy or stagnation in your life. This morning I woke up, feeling lighter, until my brain kicked in once more and told me about all the bullshit of "reality". Instantly I returned to the doom and gloom fear response that has been humming quietly in the background of my existence for weeks, perhaps longer.
But this morning as I was asking over and over and over again, "why am I here!? Why am I here!? Why am I here? Why am I here?" I felt a space open up in my heart.
"You came here to be loved." I heard.
Instantly I remembered myself as a child, all I had ever wanted was to be loved, to feel loved by my family and friends and teachers. I had wanted to experience love in all of its splendors: summer days, hugs, birthdays, swimming, snuggling in bed, kittens, hot chocolate, being wrapped in a towel fresh from a warm bath. I wanted the physical experience of these expressions of love. That's why I was here, to have those and as many of those as possible.
We let so much cloud the opportunities of love that are always accessible to us, focusing instead on perceived lack, worrying about the future or angry about the past. I believe that on some level each of us was born to experience love.
What do you need to feel loved today, whether from yourself or others? How can you spread that feeling to those around you and help remind one another that while pain may be part of life, it is not all that we came here for.
much love to you all
PS read more about spark of life here